Manet's Olympia
more tweaks...His 'yellow bellied courtesan' was painteddeliberately to stir the critics' passion.They strung her up well out of reach. Acquaintedwith Ingres languid goddesses, then fashionpreferred a...
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Alan--another cool play off Shakespeare's twentieth. Most of this is solid, though I think you yet could whip the sixth & eighth lines into feminine rhyme: she something gazes, she amazes... The...
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Hi Mike,thanks for the appreciative comments - I've been meaning to write something about Olympia for ages, and the XX's end rhymes just jumped out at me as being particularly suitable - harder than...
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Alan,A shame that you went for poetic licence. What a magnificent phrase "yellow bellied courtesan". A yellow bellied courtesan was painted...L7 seems somewhat wooden. A period after amaze? This...
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Hi jax,thanks for your comments - I agree yellow bellied courtesan is a powerful phrase - however it was the overt depiction of prostitution that so incensed the moral majority - equally they were...
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Alan--I had thought something was off on the wording of the quote inthe first line. What you put here initially, of course, had "yellow-bellied whore" in quotes, & ineptly painted unmarked, which...
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Alan,I think this is so close to being there.You've met the challenge wonderfully. When I first read it, I didn't realise you'd been using given rhymes at first-only the couplet seemed a tad...
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Hi.Thanks Maz, your comments are much appreciated. I had to use yellow bellied courtesan - partly because the art historian in me could not live with the inaccuracy - but mainly because it is a great...
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Alan, ackkkkk..gurgle....split infinitive......choke....An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it :Archy the Cockroach
View ArticleRe: Manet's Olympia
Oops,I really should avoid re-drafting on the hoof, rushing out to work - I've fixed it! - there is another split infinitive in L11....also I noticed an apostrophe in the wrong place in line 2 - I've...
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Alan,Many thanks for the thread, it is indeed a great painting. I did not initially realise the task that you had been set with fixed rhyme. My compliments. Comments in line:His 'yellow bellied...
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Hi Jaxthanks for the further comment, I've adopted your suggestion regarding the lack of an article in line 2.I'm going to fiddle with the couplet a bit more. At the moment I can't quite see a way out...
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Alan,I think the present couplet is a revision too far-the one before that with the brazen treasure seems the best to me. 'brazen' was the mot juste, I felt.Probably best to put it aside for a little-...
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Hi Maz,I know what you mean, however the previous couplet does not quite make sense. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that Manet's art fools men (closet voyeurs) into responding to Olympia as a...
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Alan,I,ve enjoyed this thread nearly as much as the poem.The inclusion of the painting really helped me understand the closing couplet. I actually prefer brazen to haughty, tho' both would do. Your...
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